Hoak Steam update News ???

A Forum Thread for Counter-Strike: Source

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1st of April, i started my computer and, when Steam opened, it popped me a "Steam - Update News" in the Steam-style window, as usual REAL update news : I don't know how do take pictures (screen captures i mean lol) out of my computer so I'll just copy-paste it here : ===================================================== Friday, April 1 2005 An update is available for Counter-Strike: Source. The update will be applied automatically when your Steam client is restarted. This update addresses requests for more realism in Counter-Strike: Source. The changes are as follows: Features/Additions Doubled player speed when jumping. The effect to cumulative, so the more you jump, the faster you go. Cut price of AWP by 50%. Added akimbo Riot Shield to buy menu. Removed de_dust from mapcycle. Realism Enhancements: Knives: Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round. Shotguns: 1. Firing the shotgun without ammo loaded will now cause it to jam. 2. When the shotgun jams, press F2 to fill out form DA-1823-00/A12-H8. 3. You should then hear a scribbling sound. When it stops, press F3 to send the request to LIDM. 4. Failure to do paperwork before pressing F3 will result in the immediate return of the unrepaired shotgun. 5. The repairs can take 1-2 rounds for completion. During that time, you cannot purchase a replacement firearm and may only use your sidearm or knife. Player Models: Several models now feature eyewear. This is a completely cosmetic enhancement with the following exceptions: Part EP-7829-292-2 must be purchased and worn correctly at all times in order to see during the round. In between rounds, you may purchase and use part EC-2231-833-H34 to clean your EP-7829-292-2. Note: that this does not clean the eyewear itself! To clean the eyewear, you need to purchase and use the designated cleaner, EC-2231-233-H34, EC-2231-523-H34, or EC-2231-239-H34a respectively depending on your model's eyewear. You can determine the part # of the correct cleaner by asking someone. Machine and submachine guns: At least once every five rounds, press F1 to inspect the weapon: A musical cue indicates that the inspection has started. Now press F1 again repeatedly to clean and lubricate the weapon. Your Preventative Maintenance Status (either "cleaning" or "lubricating") is determined by the speed with which you press the F1 key and will be displayed above your head. To accurately simulate real life maintenance mistakes, pressing F1 too quickly will lubricate either the bolt face or the trunnion block. Pressing F1 too slowly sprays lubricant directly into the buffer tube. All mistakes render the gun inoperable, though this may not become immediately apparent. Experiment with keypress timing to avoid (and discover!) other common maintenance errors. In order to balance the improved stopping power of a well-maintained weapon, the reloading process has been made much less reliable. When reloading, you should listen for two or three distinct clicks over a period of several seconds. If you hear one click or no clicks or more than two clicks, you've bent the link ejector chute and the gun will most likely explode on the next attempt to fire it, though it may not. © Valve Corporation. All rights reserved. Valve, Half-Life, and Counter-Strike are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Valve Corporation. ===================================================== all i can say is : :duhh: ... If anyone had this weird message, feel free to chat about it !

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  • 12y
    Me0w avatar
    Me0w Offline
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    I suppose they forgot the fart/gas option. Loosers at planning.
    I own all your avatars.
  • 12y
    redkulaT avatar
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    It is a joke...It's obvious enough.

    Knives:
    Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round.


    C'mon man...
    It's like Red Koolaid, but not avatar
    Mantra
    It's like Red Koolaid, but not
  • 12y
    MagicMist avatar
    MagicMist Offline
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    well i really would like you to show me that post because i have searched the forum before i posted that and haven't found anything... and anyway, i dont understand why you give s**t about a same subject posts that appened ONCE when some things are repeatedly asked almost 12 times even if its in the FAQ...
    Bananite
  • 12y
    Aleshitox avatar
    Aleshitox Offline
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    guys there was allready a post about that like 3 days ago, GET YOUR S**T together! lol
    Bananite
  • 12y
    Me0w avatar
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    Man i was totally owned by that.
    I own all your avatars.
  • 12y
    plumplum avatar
    plumplum Offline
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    I guess that april Fools joke STEAMED you bwahahahahahaha..... :bombman:
    Bananite
  • 12y
    Pr0toman avatar
    Pr0toman Offline
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    wow, ur fucking slow
    So a GeForce 4 walks into a ba avatar
    Mantra
    So a GeForce 4 walks into a ba
  • 12y
    squid avatar
    squid Offline
    Member Joined 13y
    Its an april fools joke even thought i would want the riot shield :'(

    btw theres a post about this already

    also look at this lmao - When the shotgun jams, press F2 to fill out form DA-1823-00/A12-H8.
    3. You should then hear a scribbling sound. When it stops, press F3 to send the request to LIDM. -

    lmao so funny
    Bananite

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