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How do I get over being a shy bastard?

A Forum Thread for GameBanana

Halp!

As the title says, I'm a shy bastard and I need help. I have a hard time talking to random people, I'm usually quiet anywhere outside of my home uneless I'm with my family. And, as sad as it sounds, I'm extremely shy around peoples of the opposite sex, and I'm 18, turning 19 in September. I need to figure out how to get over this shit, I do hope on having a job soon, and even if I can't find one of those soon, I know I'll end up going to College soon which is going to be fucking awful if being shy persists. Can anyone tell me how to get over this?
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  • Jeffers avatar
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    Get a social job, that pretty much forces you to talk to others. I got a job as a checkout worker at my local supermarket when I was 14, I was the shyest motherfucker there and never spoke unless I had to. Now I have some people staying around after I've finished serving them just to finish our conversation. If all else fails, show them the video of you eating an apple.
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    I doubt that this question really has a correct answer, since it's your psychology and your mind. Build up some confidence, and just act as you normally do with people that you are comfortable with. :3
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    Get them to talk to you . . .
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    Be a douche bag. Either that or know friends. hang out with their friends. then so on. That's what i do, im hella shy too haha
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    Being shy is bad? Bah humbug. You'll find that you'll like the type of girls that like shy guys and no matter how shy you are, you'll end up talking to someone with a similar interest. You don't need to care about the rest of humanity.
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    Posted by Jeffers If all else fails, show them the video of you eating an apple.
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    Put on a facade of confidence and entertain the fuck out of everyone around you with the power of comedy. Girls will laugh to the point where they tell you to have their babies. Truly man, the ladies will be all over you. That or what Mr.Jeffers said. Doing anything social will help you. It's surprisingly easy to get into a conversation with people in online games. Just start talking about porn or sports or some shit.
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    Set up goals for yourself. Tommorow your goal will be to start 3 conversations with random people, now go do it!.
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    Dude, I am exactly the fucking same. <3 Although, I've been getting better recently. It comes from self-confidence IMO, if you're totally happy with yourself and don't mind what other people think then you'll be prepared to just have fun and do whatever you want. I can't really say much more because I'm still a hermit, but since I've become more confident in myself I've become much more outgoing and willing to take on new challenges. I'll give you an example.. I recently had a presentation to do at college (actually, 2) and I was trying to think of ways to dodge it or make it easier (alcohol lol) but in the end I decided to attack it face on. Now I've done 2 of them and both of them were absolutely fine (your imagination just makes things into HUGE problems compared to what they're really like) I feel like I could do them again. More importantly, because when you do little things like that you'll feel good about yourself it'll make you want to do them more because of the satisfaction that you get. Same for meeting people, I jump into opportunities to do that now. The more you do it, the more you'll enjoy it. And if you're worried about not being able to think of anything to say to people or being awkward in conversations (which is what I used to worry about), then just think the only way you're going to get better at it is.. practice. :P I still get total mind blanks sometimes when I'm meeting someone for the first time, but I've found an amazing technique that gets rid of any silence. Just ask people about themselves, ("so, you grow up around here?" etc) they'll go on for ages and probably give you something to hook onto to give a response and carry on the conversation. Good luck with College, if anything, that'll be the thing that changes you and gives you way more confidence than you have now.. you'll see - so don't drive yourself crazy worrying about it. ;)
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    Make a gimmick out of yourself.
    Old is the new new
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    Chatroulette? :P While having never used it myself, I'm sure it could help you talk to strangers ^^
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    Posted by Jeffers Get a social job, that pretty much forces you to talk to others. I got a job as a checkout worker at my local supermarket when I was 14, I was the shyest motherfucker there and never spoke unless I had to. Now I have some people staying around after I've finished serving them just to finish our conversation. If all else fails, show them the video of you eating an apple.
    LOL. If only real life was like the interwebs, then I'd be a crazy ass apple eating tard infront of everyone.
    Posted by sмιтн Dude, I am exactly the fucking same. <3 Although, I've been getting better recently. It comes from self-confidence IMO, if you're totally happy with yourself and don't mind what other people think then you'll be prepared to just have fun and do whatever you want. I can't really say much more because I'm still a hermit, but since I've become more confident in myself I've become much more outgoing and willing to take on new challenges. I'll give you an example.. I recently had a presentation to do at college (actually, 2) and I was trying to think of ways to dodge it or make it easier (alcohol lol) but in the end I decided to attack it face on. Now I've done 2 of them and both of them were absolutely fine (your imagination just makes things into HUGE problems compared to what they're really like) I feel like I could do them again. More importantly, because when you do little things like that you'll feel good about yourself it'll make you want to do them more because of the satisfaction that you get. Same for meeting people, I jump into opportunities to do that now. The more you do it, the more you'll enjoy it. And if you're worried about not being able to think of anything to say to people or being awkward in conversations (which is what I used to worry about), then just think the only way you're going to get better at it is.. practice. :P I still get total mind blanks sometimes when I'm meeting someone for the first time, but I've found an amazing technique that gets rid of any silence. Just ask people about themselves, ("so, you grow up around here?" etc) they'll go on for ages and probably give you something to hook onto to give a response and carry on the conversation. Good luck with College, if anything, that'll be the thing that changes you and gives you way more confidence than you have now.. you'll see - so don't drive yourself crazy worrying about it. ;)
    That's helpful, hopefully it will work out that way for me aswell rofl. The main thing that annoys me about thinking of College is that I live in a small redneck town, everyone here listens to redneck music, most of the guys have fucking buzzcuts and shit. People already look at me like I'm going to murder them just because I have long hair and wear some band t-shirts every now and again. Hell, people have even called me a 'faggot' because of it, and that's when I'm just walking down the street, or in a store or something. That doesn't bother me now, doesn't change how I act. I still hold doors open for random people, ask people if they need help carrying shit and so on. I can manage to push back my shyness for shit like that, and it should show I'm not a baby eater, but still. The only thing that bothers me about that is, while it has no effect while at random places, if that shit continues when I'm at College for ages, it's going to really get on my nerves and make shit even harder than it's going to be.
    Posted by Dr. Whoop DSc Chatroulette? :P While having never used it myself, I'm sure it could help you talk to strangers ^^
    That website has too many 'dicks' in it. I'd like to reply to everyone's message, but there's a quote limit, so I can't. But thanks to everyone for helping me out with this.
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    I feel your pain.
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    I wouldn't call you shy my lover <3 But I was a lot like you until I got lucky and became good friends with a couple of people and so became friends with all their friends and so now I'm in quite a large group of people who are totally awesome. My advise is to befriend a few people and meet their friends and so on. Or just eat apples in people faces, that usually works. <3
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    Posted by Mini I wouldn't call you shy my lover <3 But I was a lot like you until I got lucky and became good friends with a couple of people and so became friends with all their friends and so now I'm in quite a large group of people who are totally awesome. My advise is to befriend a few people and meet their friends and so on. Or just eat apples in people faces, that usually works. <3
    LOL. Not shy on the interwebs, but shy as fuck in real life.
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    So, I see you're one month older than me. Cool. Anyhow: I'm pretty shy too actually, but it has gotten better recently. A friend of mine, Lise, told me something about herself, that might be useful, or something..
    "I'm actually a really shy person, but instead of showing, I try to be as sociable I can, so no-one will notice."
    I'm not sure if it'll be any help and whats-so-ever, but I felt like saying something.
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    Do little things to make yourself look sexier and feel sexier, the sexier you feel the sexier you will be.
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    Posted by Mini I wouldn't call you shy my lover <3 But I was a lot like you until I got lucky and became good friends with a couple of people and so became friends with all their friends and so now I'm in quite a large group of people who are totally awesome. My advise is to befriend a few people and meet their friends and so on. Or just eat apples in people faces, that usually works. <3
    As if you still use my xfire skin :D! <3
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    Have some self respect.
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    Bump hump.
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    It's something that requires developing just like anything else. The internet is a bad tool for working on your real life self, I can tell you that much. What I do is I know that okay, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but i'm a decent looking guy. If I approach fat girls, it's usually a safe bet that I am the hottest guy to have approached them, so I find confidence in doing so easily. Then after I seduce them I gain some momentum and keep the process going and allow a small upgrade each time.
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    I just realized I hate stupid people. :l
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    I used to be awkward as hell around the opposite sex before I got a job at Walmart as a cashier now I talk to them like it's no big deal all you need to do is get a job that is social like Jeffers suggested and it works perfect. Also might be because there is like 13 cashiers and there is only 2 guys out of the 13 cashiers lol and I'm one of them.
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    Posted by MADKILLA I just realized I hate stupid people. :l
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    Posted by MADKILLA I just realized I hate stupid people. :l
    orly? orly?
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    Posted by MADKILLA
    Posted by Amen
    Posted by MADKILLA I just realized I hate stupid people. :l
    orly? orly?
    LOL. Don't you mean, you love beautiful people?
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    Posted by MADKILLA
    Posted by Amen
    Posted by MADKILLA I just realized I hate stupid people. :l
    orly? orly?
    OH SNAP! Shit just got personal.
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    Man, you just gotta force yourself to do it. The best thing to do is to get your friends to bring there friends to hang out. Therefore unless you wanna feel extremely awkward your faced with talking to a stranger. Even then you also have your friend as the medium between the both of you. Also tell yourself every night that life is short(I know cliche) and you have to enjoy it. Once that concept fully takes grasp on your physce, hopefully it will be a push in the right direction. If your serious about it, I recommend to go to the mall or another gathering place by yourself. Find a store that you like(for instance if you like games go to a game store, if you like a brand of clothing go to that store). Lets say you picked a video game store, go in there and just browse. Find someone who's checking out a game you've played or a genre your into and just make a comment. Not a conversation but a comment like "Oh that game is really good". Start slow. Once your comfortable making comments to strangers, start escalating to trying to obtain conversation. To be honest with you though, I've never understood how I've made friends with people. I look back and try to pinpoint what was it that got us to start talking, or what was I did to initiate a conversation and can never remember. I think eventually it just becomes apart of your personality, and it just happens. Good luck man and trust me I've been there before. Also how do you feel about drinking alcohol? Now I wouldn't use it every time but if your ok with drinking, have a few drinks(don't get drunk just enough to get a buzz and calm yourself). This will defiantly help remove the shell you've enveloped yourself in.
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    Posted by sooBlown Man, you just gotta force yourself to do it. The best thing to do is to get your friends to bring there friends to hang out. Therefore unless you wanna feel extremely awkward your faced with talking to a stranger. Even then you also have your friend as the medium between the both of you. Also tell yourself every night that life is short(I know cliche) and you have to enjoy it. Once that concept fully takes grasp on your physce, hopefully it will be a push in the right direction. If your serious about it, I recommend to go to the mall or another gathering place by yourself. Find a store that you like(for instance if you like games go to a game store, if you like a brand of clothing go to that store). Lets say you picked a video game store, go in there and just browse. Find someone who's checking out a game you've played or a genre your into and just make a comment. Not a conversation but a comment like "Oh that game is really good". Start slow. Once your comfortable making comments to strangers, start escalating to trying to obtain conversation. To be honest with you though, I've never understood how I've made friends with people. I look back and try to pinpoint what was it that got us to start talking, or what was I did to initiate a conversation and can never remember. I think eventually it just becomes apart of your personality, and it just happens. Good luck man and trust me I've been there before. Also how do you feel about drinking alcohol? Now I wouldn't use it every time but if your ok with drinking, have a few drinks(don't get drunk just enough to get a buzz and calm yourself). This will defiantly help remove the shell you've enveloped yourself in.
    Well to be honest, I only know one person these days in my town. I started 'home schooling' after grade school, so I've been a complete hermit since then, which is why I've gotten so shy. Your post was very helpful though, I just EFed it.
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    In this case man, I have a better solution. Because once I got out of a school, I didn't have any friends, I don't know why but I've always just had problems with friends, whether it be my fault or theirs. But anyways I got out of school with 0 friends, not even a #, but then I got a job. Gradually at that job as you start to work with people and get to know them you befriend each other. To be honest my only friends are from work. Granted not every job is the same, but hopefully you'll be fortunate enough like me to get a job with nothing but for the most part cool co workers. I know at our job the new person/shy person we usually break right into conversation with and try to get to know them and get them involved. I've always been the kind of person who didn't like huge places filled with people my age, I never went to hang out with people, I didn't like drawing attention to myself so I tried to stay reserved and quiet. Until 2 things happened. 1) Working as a cashier forced me to have to constantly talk to people I've never met and being in situation I wasn't always comfortable with. Not only that but if you work at a place that gathers regulars, you'll start to get familiar with them and vice versa, and gradually you'll engage in small talk. Its actually quite refreshing. 2) (Unrelated) Starting to not give a fuck what people thought of me. So hopefully this information helps and gets you motivated because you look to gain 2 things in getting a job(Hopefully), Money and Friends. But you have to be willing.
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    Well, I'm shy too. if there's something that may makes you change is either university (at least that's what I've experienced there) or a good job (the guys above me say so). There's a 50 percent that's your effort... and don't take this personal, but you should shave your face or something... is not that it makes you look ugly but... how can I tell this? People is not prepared for you, or anyone with that aspect, and because they're not prepared, they're gonna think "this man is crazy, just look at him". Sometimes we must show we are at the same "level". I was like that at school, and people tend to think "what, he think he's better just because he can have his hair like that?", or even if you don't talk to certain people they will think you have something personal on them. It's a shit, I know, but people is guided by the first impressions (that if you want to get involved with most people). In my own experience: I went through the entrance examination this summer (south hemisphere if someone is lost ;D ), some sort of maths, history and physics classes to enter university. I got mad, I grow a beard for about 3 months, and my hair too. The thing is that I met this girl at the classes, we had lunch and stuff after classes with other people of the same class. I remember I even made some kind of braids with my chin beard, and people didn't care, they just took it like a normal thing, though my aspect was different... well at the end I failed my last exam, I sent all of them to their fucking mothers twats (meaning I've never seen the again), I shaved my face and cut my hair... and I'm back :D. The thing about my little story is that you should go to university, I don't know HOW people is there in universities over there in Georgia, or if you can afford other university in Atlanta, but in an university you can be the ugliest person in the world, but you're judged by how you are, not by how you look. Either working or studying will force you to make you get involved with people, we are social animals, made to work in groups, teams. If you're shy around women, just be yourself (of course, don't talk to them about video games, otherwise they'll run away).Even if you don't have a lot of things to share, take a look a t this situation: I'm a moderator in FPSbanana, so what am I gonna say? "I moderate little children in a Games Customization Communitie? NOOO! I'm just gonna say "I'm currently working in an important web page, where lots of art and effort are invested every day." You know, just use your imagination and be creative. If they just don't wanna talk to you, tell them to fuck themselves. Women can be REAL BITCHES sometimes. (disregard women-acquire currency pic anyone :D?) Personally, when I saw that video of yours, the apple one to be more specific, I thought "this guy must be mad", I mean, how can you do that and not get embarrassed? Maybe you should use some of your "internet abilities" in real life, test it, try it and see how it goes. (please, please, DO NOT GO OUT TO THE STREET EATING APPLES IN PEOPLE'S FACES >:)
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    What apple video?
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    Pierce your cock bro, works wonders!
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    Posted by Kapanga Well, I'm shy too. if there's something that may makes you change is either university (at least that's what I've experienced there) or a good job (the guys above me say so). There's a 50 percent that's your effort... and don't take this personal, but you should shave your face or something... is not that it makes you look ugly but... how can I tell this? People is not prepared for you, or anyone with that aspect, and because they're not prepared, they're gonna think "this man is crazy, just look at him". Sometimes we must show we are at the same "level". I was like that at school, and people tend to think "what, he think he's better just because he can have his hair like that?", or even if you don't talk to certain people they will think you have something personal on them. It's a shit, I know, but people is guided by the first impressions (that if you want to get involved with most people). In my own experience: I went through the entrance examination this summer (south hemisphere if someone is lost ;D ), some sort of maths, history and physics classes to enter university. I got mad, I grow a beard for about 3 months, and my hair too. The thing is that I met this girl at the classes, we had lunch and stuff after classes with other people of the same class. I remember I even made some kind of braids with my chin beard, and people didn't care, they just took it like a normal thing, though my aspect was different... well at the end I failed my last exam, I sent all of them to their fucking mothers twats (meaning I've never seen the again), I shaved my face and cut my hair... and I'm back :D. The thing about my little story is that you should go to university, I don't know HOW people is there in universities over there in Georgia, or if you can afford other university in Atlanta, but in an university you can be the ugliest person in the world, but you're judged by how you are, not by how you look. Either working or studying will force you to make you get involved with people, we are social animals, made to work in groups, teams. If you're shy around women, just be yourself (of course, don't talk to them about video games, otherwise they'll run away).Even if you don't have a lot of things to share, take a look a t this situation: I'm a moderator in FPSbanana, so what am I gonna say? "I moderate little children in a Games Customization Communitie? NOOO! I'm just gonna say "I'm currently working in an important web page, where lots of art and effort are invested every day." You know, just use your imagination and be creative. If they just don't wanna talk to you, tell them to fuck themselves. Women can be REAL BITCHES sometimes. (disregard women-acquire currency pic anyone :D?) Personally, when I saw that video of yours, the apple one to be more specific, I thought "this guy must be mad", I mean, how can you do that and not get embarrassed? Maybe you should use some of your "internet abilities" in real life, test it, try it and see how it goes. (please, please, DO NOT GO OUT TO THE STREET EATING APPLES IN PEOPLE'S FACES >:)
    LOL. THat would be fucked up to hell. Just stand in a store by some apples, slowly eating them in the same fashion I did in the video. And, I cannot cut my hair, for I love it too much! I've liked having long hair since I was a little kid, teachers used to bitch to hell and back until I got it cut though.
    Posted by Archanor What apple video?
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    Posted by Amen And, I cannot cut my hair, for I love it too much! I've liked having long hair since I was a little kid, teachers used to bitch to hell and back until I got it cut though.
    That's right, and never forget it. How shy you might be, don't change your inner self, just to stand out in the crowd. When people tell you to be more social with strangers, or with friends even, they don't mean; go be a total fuckwad, just to stand out and get all the (negative) attention. To put it this way, people who have, let's say an gentle introvert personality, will almost never be the group leaders by being the typical attention whore. When I was in college, the first year I thought it was all about popularity, getting to know the "good" guys etc. But I wasn't really the homeboy type, so the year after I gave that up, and stuck with the people who had the same interests as me. One of those people is a very good friend to me, I know the guy for 7 years now. But that didn't change the fact I was still pretty asocial. Until in the third year, I met this lovely girl who opened me. Really it's all about luck, you just gotta find the right persons. Now that I'm at university I can tell you how I got acquainted with some of my fellow classmates: since you all share a common interest, it's not unlikely that you share other hobbies, music tastes etc.. And that's a good base for a nice conversation, and even a friendship. Talk to people, it's hard at first, just stick with a specific group, get to know em, go out for a drink, eat apples, and before you know it you're best mates. Personally I still stick with my college friends, simply because I know them longer. I'm planning of getting a job, idk where or when yet, but it'll get me out of my room for a while. As fun as the internet might be, it's a sweet poison. And I don't blame some people for calling me addicted. Just gtfo away from the screen :p Hope I shared something of value with you that hasn't been said before.
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    Cut your hair, look presentable
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    a worthless fuckin' buddah hea
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    Force yourself to not be shy. I went through the same stage and just forced myself to not be shy and be social whenever needed, like during a job interview. I forced myself into it and over the course of time I got over it pretty fast. I guess it's also from the fact when I started socializing with the opposite sex as well and got some friends of the opposite sex. I feel like I haven't said opposite sex enough so I will say opposite sex again because opposite sex has the word sex in it, because it's the opposite sex and involves sex.
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    Holy shit dude I'm turning 19 in September too! :D What date? And I'm still pretty shy too. i just try and get involved more in sort of group sessions which my mates are in. I generally talk to them first then starrt engaging in the general discussions between everyone in the group. It does work, for me anyways.
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