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On Vacation

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The Moral
  • What I've realized during vacation.
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4mo

TL;DR: See you (or not) next year!

Epilogue

2017 was a tumultuous year of modding for me. I don't mean that in a negative way but I don't mean it in a positive way either. There were a lot of highs and lows for me in that year. But I won't list all of them to keep this as short as possible. What I'm here for is what happened to me during vacation and what I learned in 2017.

As I've said, during vacation I wanted to refrain from modding and think about what to do next while enjoying the holidays. As it turns out, I wasn't able to follow that plan and made a handful of plugins (some will be released soon, don't worry). The announcement of that vacation somehow freed something in me and I found myself itching again to try out new stuff. I was trying to trace the causes of my slump some months back. And, not trying to be rude to people, but one factor that really affected me was the requests.

So comes the lesson I learned from 2017. When I started out doing AMXX I vowed to always help those in need of plugins. But as it turns out, that wasn't realistic at all. Funny thing about programming is something simple to a non-coder can be a very daunting task to the coder. And editing  someone else's code is not as simple as it seems. I felt up to my ears on requests, studio duties, and mods I wanted to make. And so the moral of the story is: I have to learn to say "No". There are just some battles I can't win, at least not for now. I have a certain progression on learning stuff in AMXX which is governed by my interest (which seem to have a mind of its own). One thing leads to another and another until I've tapped into some code I haven't used before which would give me a whole new set of possibilities.

To be clear, I still can take requests. But I'll have to screen them now and avoid making any promises. In 2018 I have some big plans I'm excited to see to fruition and it will keep me very busy during my free time...
___________________________________________________________________

Well, this is it guys. December 1 rolled in faster than I hoped. I've been scrambling to finish as much mod as I can these past few weeks (sorry Custom Crosshair. One day perhaps). Now I'll be spending my whole of December on vacation. Ideally, I would keep away from GB and modding but who knows? Maybe I drop by real quick to do little fixes here and there.

Some people have been asking if I'll be back next year. To be honest, I don't know. I've been losing interest in modding CS1.6 lately. And it's not because I'm busier than ever. If I want something I always find a way to make time for it. It's probably just my natural transition to move on to other stuff, something I can't seem to control. I've played/modded a couple of games already and I've quit all of them prematurely. I still had tons of plans and ideas but the interest suddenly just faded. Perhaps that's what's happening now.

Or perhaps I've modded too much and taken too little breaks. I sure hope so. I can't seem to get that full swing I had back then. The last few weeks were really forced to beat the deadline. In any case, a whole month's break would be good I guess.

I guess my frustrations on the studio rules and the admins also contributed in some way. It's one thing to hate some member. It's another to hate a system that's part of your community. I just don't get why they do these extra work without pay to adhere to convoluted rules that don't have any real negative impact on the site or its people. Logic they say.

However I am taking measures to halt my exit on GB for good, by making a big deal of it, hence this blog entry. It is my belief that you make something so big of a deal, like a farewell, that it doesn't get to happen. You start to miss it already before stepping out and eventually change your mind. Well, I sure hope it works.

If this IS goodbye, then I want to say sorry to some people I've let down: To Schiff and =Night-Wolf=. Though it may seem I've forgotten your requests, I actually haven't. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you about it but I'm just not skilled enough yet. I was also embarrassed and didn't know what to say, whether to keep trying or quit, especially to Schiff since I'm honor-bound to help him anyway I can as he had helped me so many times. I'm sorry I can't fulfill them now.

To the rest of the GB community-- well, I don't wanna say too much, I might not have anything to get back to! But it's been a great community of modders. The best if you ask me. I've never been accepted or felt important this much before. So for that I thank you all wholeheartedly.

But enough of the sappy stuff.
Here's an advanced Merry Christmas to you guys!
Hope to see you all next year...

-Hell
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  • 5mo
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    Sleeepiiing...
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    Well, it was expectable. What can I say - I shall miss you a lot ) 

    I hope you you return before my official retirement would occur )

    If not and we wouldn't chat again - you are among 2 fellows here I like the most. 

    So rest to the utmost and live the life to the fullest! Cheers!
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    IT SHOOTS TO KILL
  • 5mo
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    hell. You have always shown your improvements to the community. and if you leave this simply I if I accept it is your decision, if many will miss you, but you would not leave with empty hands, you improved my game concept much.
    .... . .-.. .-.. ---
  • 5mo
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    Yep, taking a break is a MUST, but whether you should continue or not, I believe that's up to you. Have fun during the vacation though, you've contributed a lot for GB here
    • Agree x 2
    • Cheers x 2
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    Mantra
    WHERES THE LAMB SAUCE
  • 5mo
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    Good decision to take a rest, you need some refreshment, and family time, so you can spend more time with your kids, and your wife. :)
    • Agree x 1
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    不可能はない avatar
    Mantra
    不可能はない
  • 5mo
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    If you quit, then I have another one more reason to quit too.
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    Yes.
  • 5mo
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    You've been always a good modder & person here in GB, I'll miss you until you come back.

    Merry Christmas too!
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    Mantra
    + Field Medic +
  • 5mo
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    I hope to see you soon :/
    Bananite =D
  • 5mo
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    :( :( :( :/ :/ :/...
    I Dont Give Fucks I Give Shots
  • 5moEdited 5mo
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    Connecting.....
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    andiargetlam avatar
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    well you can always retire from modding whenever you want :3 if you overdo in modding you will soon get bored in it

    but come back here once in while, you have friends here you know, GB is lonely without you (no lies) :D
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    Mantra
    Artistic Recoil
  • 5moEdited 5mo
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    whether to keep trying or quit,

    Maybe you should quit trying to quit? ;)

    I've been in a creative slump myself the last couple months, I've got stuff done, but I've avoided/procrastinated projects which has slowed my personal output.  I feel where you're coming from.

    In the end this is a hobby we all do for fun, so if we can't keep it fun then our desire to continue dissipates.

    Take a break, take inventory of why you do this and if you still want to.  In the end take heart in knowing you had fun and brought some fun to others. 

    Come what may, happy trails and a Merry Christmas to you too man. 
    • Agree x 1
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    Mantra
    BF2 Enthusiast

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