Epilogue2017 was a tumultuous year of modding for me. I don't mean that in a negative way but I don't mean it in a positive way either. There were a lot of highs and lows for me in that year. But I won't list all of them to keep this as short as possible. What I'm here for is what happened to me during vacation and what I learned in 2017.
As I've said, during vacation I wanted to refrain from modding and think about what to do next while enjoying the holidays. As it turns out, I wasn't able to follow that plan and made a handful of plugins (some will be released soon, don't worry). The announcement of that vacation somehow freed something in me and I found myself itching again to try out new stuff. I was trying to trace the causes of my slump some months back. And, not trying to be rude to people, but one factor that really affected me was the requests.
So comes the lesson I learned from 2017. When I started out doing AMXX I vowed to always help those in need of plugins. But as it turns out, that wasn't realistic at all. Funny thing about programming is something simple to a non-coder can be a very daunting task to the coder. And editing someone else's code is not as simple as it seems. I felt up to my ears on requests, studio duties, and mods I wanted to make. And so the moral of the story is: I have to learn to say "No". There are just some battles I can't win, at least not for now. I have a certain progression on learning stuff in AMXX which is governed by my interest (which seem to have a mind of its own). One thing leads to another and another until I've tapped into some code I haven't used before which would give me a whole new set of possibilities.
To be clear, I still can take requests. But I'll have to screen them now and avoid making any promises. In 2018 I have some big plans I'm excited to see to fruition and it will keep me very busy during my free time...
Well, this is it guys. December 1 rolled in faster than I hoped. I've been scrambling to finish as much mod as I can these past few weeks (sorry Custom Crosshair. One day perhaps). Now I'll be spending my whole of December on vacation. Ideally, I would keep away from GB and modding but who knows? Maybe I drop by real quick to do little fixes here and there.
Some people have been asking if I'll be back next year. To be honest, I don't know. I've been losing interest in modding CS1.6 lately. And it's not because I'm busier than ever. If I want something I always find a way to make time for it. It's probably just my natural transition to move on to other stuff, something I can't seem to control. I've played/modded a couple of games already and I've quit all of them prematurely. I still had tons of plans and ideas but the interest suddenly just faded. Perhaps that's what's happening now.
Or perhaps I've modded too much and taken too little breaks. I sure hope so. I can't seem to get that full swing I had back then. The last few weeks were really forced to beat the deadline. In any case, a whole month's break would be good I guess.
I guess my frustrations on the studio rules and the admins also contributed in some way. It's one thing to hate some member. It's another to hate a system that's part of your community. I just don't get why they do these extra work without pay to adhere to convoluted rules that don't have any real negative impact on the site or its people. Logic they say.
However I am taking measures to halt my exit on GB for good, by making a big deal of it, hence this blog entry. It is my belief that you make something so big of a deal, like a farewell, that it doesn't get to happen. You start to miss it already before stepping out and eventually change your mind. Well, I sure hope it works.
If this IS goodbye, then I want to say sorry to some people I've let down: To Schiff and =Night-Wolf=. Though it may seem I've forgotten your requests, I actually haven't. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you about it but I'm just not skilled enough yet. I was also embarrassed and didn't know what to say, whether to keep trying or quit, especially to Schiff since I'm honor-bound to help him anyway I can as he had helped me so many times. I'm sorry I can't fulfill them now.
To the rest of the GB community-- well, I don't wanna say too much, I might not have anything to get back to! But it's been a great community of modders. The best if you ask me. I've never been accepted or felt important this much before. So for that I thank you all wholeheartedly.
But enough of the sappy stuff.
Here's an advanced Merry Christmas to you guys!
Hope to see you all next year...