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FPSB Legends: BaBaBaBaBirdman

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> BaBaBaBaBirdman's name is synonymous with classic, funny threads on the FPSB forum. Birdman took the time out of his day to answer some of my questions so I could unearth a hidden side of the winged one not many know. Here's what I dug up.

Thanks for sitting down with me birdman, welcome. You're well known on the forums for bringing the community, funny, well thought out threads. Where did you get your start?

Well, I guess I got my start in 1st grade.
You see, there was this kid. Me and my friend were looking at him and he had this weird thing on his neck, like a mole or something, but it popped out of his neck. It was real freaky looking and I remember making fun of him with my friend, and making my friend die laughing with the shit I was saying to him. I guess that sounds mean, but that's the first time I remember making someone laugh.

Which is your favorite thread you've created?

Oh, man, that's a hard question to ask. I've got a lot of threads of mine that I like. The one about anal sex I like a lot, assfucked for dummies (think it's called that). I also like my hidden gem that no one read about this old man named Archie. Oh, wait. Strike that, my all time favorite is this thread about this midget named Hanzel Burger Von Dingle Berry. Didn't get any attention but I think it's the funniest thing I've ever written.

Why have you never used any of your excellent writing abilities to make more tutorials?

Well, actually, the tutorial I wrote on How To Be Awesome is what actually sparked my interest in making funny tut-like threads in the forums. But as for me making more tuts, I don't think I could do it. I'm not as passionate about games as I used to be, and I don't think I can write a tut on a game that I don't care that much about, and I don't think the community wants a bunch of tutorials on things like "how to wipe your ass like a pro" or "how to masturbate with your left hand". So, for now, I think I'll just stick to making threads.

Your perception on FPSB is that of a forums funny guy. What do you think of people looking to you to make the threads that everyone can and will enjoy to liven up the forum?

Oh, man, I sincerely hope people are reading my threads and are inspired to make funny threads. The forums need more life, more comedy, more fun. It seems like everyone is too scared to be risky and make something funny because they don't want to be made fun of. I think everyone should at least try to make a funny thread to switch it up a bit. I'm not the biggest fan of forum games, so if more people make funny threads... hopefully that type of thread will cease to exist. Basically, I'm saying people need to not be afraid to make something different, because regardless of what people think, it'll be funny to at least one person. This may sound corny, but that one dude that laughs is really all that matters. You've done your job if you can at least make one person laugh.

Back in the day, when I worked for a local gym, there was this guy who everyone in the gym called Birdman. He had a giant, beak-like nose, worked out for 3+ hours a day, and would caw and squawk while doing his lifts. Needless to say, the Birdman moniker fit him perfectly. Do you have a similar story? Please tell me you make bird calls while playing video games like, "CAW tea bagged bitch!"

Haha, well, I can't say I've ever dressed up as a bird or worked out for that matter. But this one time I did dare my friend Sam to put his dick in an ant pile. He actually did it too. That may be completely unrelated, but it's definitely one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

Umm, moving on...

As many people know, and some seem to not, you are a mod here at the banana. Is there anything you would or wouldn't do differently in the thread making process if you weren't a mod?

I wouldn't change a damn thing, to be honest. I know my humor is dirty, and may be inappropriate for some people, but I'm not really scared of expressing myself and trying to make people laugh. If I have the thought in my head of making something, I'm going to make it no matter what. It seems like most member are scared to be risky because of the consequences of their actions. They think that they might do something wrong and the mods might punish them for it, but I don't think that's a good mind set to have at all. I was a normal member for longer than I've been a mod, and I still always made crazy threads like the ones I make now. I was never scared, and I think that that's what makes most of my writing so funny. I'm not scared to "cross the line", so to speak.

In the current edition of the faces of FPSB thread, you have one of the first pictures posted, and it's generated quite a bit of buzz. The picture, a shirtless glamor shot posted several years ago, is, in my opinion, quite ridiculous. The picture is now taken down, yet is still in the forefront of many older member's minds when visiting that thread. Given the chance to go back to that day, would you repost that picture or replace it with something more conservative and perhaps, clothed?

Haha. Ah, shit, that picture still comes back to haunt me. Well, for one, I do look much older now (not that that matters). I'm not really ashamed of that picture at all, I think it's actually kind of funny. Young boy in his underwear or some shit, with a ridiculous video camera picture. I wouldn't change the pic, but maybe I should add a newer picture of how I look today (drop dead gorgeous)

Naturally, I tend to think that my threads are some of the best on the forum. Assuming you think so as well, which threads not your own have you enjoyed the most?

To be honest, I haven't liked a thread, really, in a year or two. I remember back in the day when Nooby was making threads and botch was making funny threads and ralconn, and kornven, and zero, and all the old guys and we would make funny threads about each other. Those were the best. I remember Zero Or Die's thread about me not being able to poop. That was pretty funny because it was true, but the way he put it was fucking hysterical. His word choice, making it seem far worse than it really was. Saying I might die and shit. Also, High Roller's thread about if god is real or not... that was a good thread.

Speaking of poop, still having troubles?

Yeah, sort of. I'll poop once every 2-3 days, but sometimes I won't poop for a week. I really have got to stop eating hot fries, them things are fucking my ass up. Literally. It's like, I eat 3 bags every single night for the past 11 or 12 years. Imagine how ugly my insides must be. I probably have ulcers and shit, cause that's all I eat. I don't slip, though. As much as I love eating 3 bags, I would love 4 bags even more, but if I slip and eat 4 bags, my asshole burns (literally) when I poop after that. Like, burns to the point where I have to hop in the shower and pat my asshole with cold water.

Fucked up shit.

How do you like the new, returning blackhole 2 is compared to the old original blackhole from several years ago?

Ah, man, you and I both know that the blackhole will never be what it used to be. Shit, I wasn't even really here for the good good blackhole, but I was here for when it was just semi good, back when all the old members were posting everyday in it. I think the new black hole will never be what it strives to be. Too many members in there that don't really know what the black hole is about. They think it's 4chan, or a place to just post whatever the fuck they want. Once upon a time, people actually had funny shit in the blackhole.

Remember Ralconn's MSPaint thread? That was one of the funniest things I ever seen. Or all of Nooby's threads that he used to make. But yeah, I don't think the Blackhole 2 is even half as good as the black hole 1. It'd probably be better if botch didn't post a new myspace blog in it every five seconds (botch, if you're reading this, I hate your guts).


It has come to my attention that you have had the honor and privileged to meet FPSB's own Carlos, who is a long time super moderator and also a well respected member. Now that you've escaped, what can you tell us about the encounter which wasn't in the police report?

Well, I actually hung out with him a whole bunch of times. When I was working with my dad down in Miami, his house was right next to Korven's (carlos). Our encounters were nothing short of excellent. We'd normally play pool every night into the wee hours of the night.

We were at Checkers drive through one time, though, and that's when it got weird. We were waiting in the car for our food, and he started talking kind of weird to me, then he put his hand on my leg and like, tried to rub my leg. I was just like "dude, I'm not hating on you right now, and I won't judge you for this moment.. so don't feel weird, but I don't swing that way" and he just apologized and that was it. After that, every encounter was the same shit. Play pool and hang out and drive around Miami looking for some bitches. Too bad the only bitch I found was him. (love you carlos <3)

Nothing like checkers to make a man randy eh? Anyway, our time is coming to an end. Thanks for doing this. Is there anything else you'd like the community to know about yourself?

Ummm... can I give some shout outs?

Go for it

Alright. I'd like to give a shout out to my boy NoobyChildrens. That's it.

Epic, sir, epic.

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